June 8th. Time feels like it’s compressing, but
it often does in June at the end of a school year, when all the loose ends
scream for completion and all of a sudden there seems not enough time to cover
what is left. I seem to be going through a time of hefty appreciation for my time in this place, which feels refreshing and rejuvenating.
The students and I started going through our photos from the
year to work on building our memory books. It’s good practice for me too, as I
can see how much we have done together over the year.
Sometimes working alone makes me feel like I am not doing
enough. Like I’m all out of ideas, like there was more I could have done. Maybe
it always feels like that in education. Always more to do.
When I was completing my education degree one of the
academic advisors for my program reminded us that education is one of those
professions that will take everything you give it, and even when it has sucked
you dry it will still want more. Luckily I save enough time for myself to be
healthy at the start of most days, but like the students I walk into the room
carrying the baggage of my out-of-school life. I’m just better at pushing mine
aside, at providing a safe place for students to unpack theirs, sort through
things, examine.
This was the absolute right place for me to land early in my
career, when I wanted nothing more than to plug into work and into my own
writing. It was a place to explore my own soul, to feel what it’s like to live
in a kind of mountain isolation. I wanted to leave the city, and leave it I
certainly did.
I’ve always been one to test boundaries. In high school I
was the student with my hand up asking “why do we have to know this?” about
everything, driving the teachers crazy with questioning and then with
complacency. Their answers about why were never good enough. Most of the time
they didn’t even know.
I find myself still asking “why?” about some of the mandated
curriculum, though as a government-funded teacher I am expected to give
students an education that mirrors the Prescribed Learning Outcomes as outlined
by the Ministry of Education while also subscribing to their personal needs and interests. Now, at this point, with a small sum of money
stacked in my bank account, I can finally afford to do some research to see
what is out there in the form of alternative options.
As a high school drop-out myself, I can empathize with the
“so what?” attitude of many of today’s youth. I did end up going to university.
First I had to upgrade my high school courses in my early twenties, making my
way through courses I could have completed in my teenage years for free. That
was certainly not the recommended way of doing things, but it was what worked
for me. I wonder what it would have been like if I was able to take a month off
to go live on a farm somewhere that I could help run for high school credit. Where
there were other students from around the province, where we could be outside
for most of the day doing hands-on learning instead of sitting in desks for
five hours a day.
I’m curious to see what is out there in terms of schools run
in alternative settings. I’d like to visit schools that are run by communities,
that are based mostly in outdoor settings, that incorporate farming into their
day plans. I have absolutely no idea what I will find. And I want to write
while I flit around to check out this vast province. Just a couple of hours a
day, processing and mapping out what has happened, what is happening, and maybe
what I hope to happen. Drawing out the map of my life thus far in words. I am finding that it's all about the details, and in the writing of my experiences I am realizing that I have amassed some stories
to tell! And so do you! That is what a life is, after all: one long, drawn-out story of choice and change.
This weekend I am off to some social gatherings in the
valley, and then to meet Barry to go for a horseback ride on my way home tomorrow. "My horse" as he calls Truax, is waiting for me.
I’ve
had a heavy dose of work and writing this week, and it feels good to have that
insular, reflective time bookended with some social time.
Happy weekend everyone!