This way and that way...

June 8^th. Time feels like it’s compressing, but it often does in June at the end of a school year, when all the loose ends scream for completion and all of a sudden there seems not enough time to cover what is left. I seem to be going through a time of hefty appreciation for my time in this place, which feels refreshing and rejuvenating. 

The students and I started going through our photos from the year to work on building our memory books. It’s good practice for me too, as I can see how much we have done together over the year.

Sometimes working alone makes me feel like I am not doing enough. Like I’m all out of ideas, like there was more I could have done. Maybe it always feels like that in education. Always more to do.

When I was completing my education degree one of the academic advisors for my program reminded us that education is one of those professions that will take everything you give it, and even when it has sucked you dry it will still want more. Luckily I save enough time for myself to be healthy at the start of most days, but like the students I walk into the room carrying the baggage of my out-of-school life. I’m just better at pushing mine aside, at providing a safe place for students to unpack theirs, sort through things, examine. 

This was the absolute right place for me to land early in my career, when I wanted nothing more than to plug into work and into my own writing. It was a place to explore my own soul, to feel what it’s like to live in a kind of mountain isolation. I wanted to leave the city, and leave it I certainly did. 

I’ve always been one to test boundaries. In high school I was the student with my hand up asking “why do we have to know this?” about everything, driving the teachers crazy with questioning and then with complacency. Their answers about why were never good enough. Most of the time they didn’t even know.

I find myself still asking “why?” about some of the mandated curriculum, though as a government-funded teacher I am expected to give students an education that mirrors the Prescribed Learning Outcomes as outlined by the Ministry of Education while also subscribing to their personal needs and interests. Now, at this point, with a small sum of money stacked in my bank account, I can finally afford to do some research to see what is out there in the form of alternative options.

As a high school drop-out myself, I can empathize with the “so what?” attitude of many of today’s youth. I did end up going to university. First I had to upgrade my high school courses in my early twenties, making my way through courses I could have completed in my teenage years for free. That was certainly not the recommended way of doing things, but it was what worked for me. I wonder what it would have been like if I was able to take a month off to go live on a farm somewhere that I could help run for high school credit. Where there were other students from around the province, where we could be outside for most of the day doing hands-on learning instead of sitting in desks for five hours a day.

I’m curious to see what is out there in terms of schools run in alternative settings. I’d like to visit schools that are run by communities, that are based mostly in outdoor settings, that incorporate farming into their day plans. I have absolutely no idea what I will find. And I want to write while I flit around to check out this vast province. Just a couple of hours a day, processing and mapping out what has happened, what is happening, and maybe what I hope to happen. Drawing out the map of my life thus far in words. I am finding that it's all about the details, and in the writing of my experiences I am realizing that I have amassed some stories to tell! And so do you! That is what a life is, after all: one long, drawn-out story of choice and change. 

This weekend I am off to some social gatherings in the valley, and then to meet Barry to go for a horseback ride on my way home tomorrow. "My horse" as he calls Truax, is waiting for me. 

I’ve had a heavy dose of work and writing this week, and it feels good to have that insular, reflective time bookended with some social time.

Happy weekend everyone!