Found

In the snow it lies, black in contrast to the shocking bright of sunlit white. Immediately after work today I set out to find it, knowing the dark curtain of night would fall quickly. Sanford and I retraced our steps to the abandoned mine portal held in the amphitheatre of the river canyon, placing our feet in the same line we had walked the night before with the moon lighting our way and the stars so sharp in the sky they sent shivers up my spine. A walk in the dark, headlamp in hand, which was then lost when I put my gloves in my pocket, although I only noticed this as I rounded the last corner towards home.

Home. It is very much here right now, but I am starting to think of where else I could find it. Today I was thinking that home really lives inside of me, and is something that I can therefore take with me wherever I go; wherever I head next I will take with me the same attitude of adventure and exploration until I finally have that feeling in my soul that this is the place to spread my roots for a while. And the skills I have picked up here—learning how to live on my own both personally and professionally, and how to entertain myself all by myself—are those that last for a lifetime.

I have also been thinking a lot about how we come to really find and know ourselves, as people, as friends, as lovers, as beings forever in transformation and flux. How we define who it is we are, and how so much of that comes from how other people view and react to us. And how powerful the stories of one life are. I listened to and told a lot of stories this weekend. What powerful snapshots into one’s life--for self-reflection, for connection, for learning to listen. I notice that sometimes listening can be hard for me when someone is telling a story that I can really relate to. I want to jump in with all these comments and connections, when what I should instead be doing is letting them finish first instead of taking away the power of their voice. Yes. Always learning more about myself. Always, always.

Things have been picking up a lot around town as far as creative gatherings are concerned. Went to an acoustic jam session at the pub next door. First night out in that pub, and I almost wasn’t even going to go! I can see the hotel from my kitchen, hear the horseshoes being thrown across the lawn in the summer, see the dogs "x" paths in the snowy yard on their way around town in the winter, see the lights in the curtained room windows go on and off all year long. It was wonderful to shuffle home afterwards to my warm home and bed.

On another tangent, my job is great. A one-minute walk to work in the snow, spend the morning listening to music from Egypt, looking up the unusual instruments, talking about pharos and mummies and pyramids and deserts, then making presents for family, working on the Santa’s village, opening letters from Santa, making cards to tell people that we are thankful to have them in our lives, then sledding for recess. And that was only from 8:30 am – 11! But I won’t go on and bore you. It just rocks, simple as that. I'm taking the students (I keep calling them the “kids” because in this context it starts to feel like we are somewhat of a family) out for an afternoon of cross-country skiing to finish off the holiday week, and then it’s play time, although it already feels that way in my life these days.

Listening a lot to Ben Howard over the past couple of days. Here’s a taster of one of my favourites, although they are all so great it’s hard to choose.

Lots of great people coming into my life these days. It is invigorating and fulfilling in a deep intellectual sense, something that I prize so much in my relationships with others. 

Looking forward to the solstice, my birthday, to the tea party tomorrow at the school, to bringing the community together again in the little school building. 

Thursday we are going on a cross-country ski trip all afternoon to finish off the week before break. Then up to the Sunshine cabin for dinner and a pre-solstice party. Life is certainly wonderful.

Have not been able to write as much over the past few days, but whatever, I deserve the break. It will come soon enough…

I feel found here, and it is beautiful.